Dearest one,
This email will be a little different from my usual newsletters. There is so much simmering and brewing within me right now, but it’s taking time to become and I do not wish to force it.
So instead, I thought that this month, I’d share some things that I’ve been up to recently.
1. I’ve been learning to paint
I grew up an ardent craft lover, forever perched at the center of my bed, surrounded by paper cuttings of a new idea I was bringing to life. While craft always felt accessible to me, painting scared me.
But there was a phase during the pandemic (more on that in #3 below) where I wanted to do nothing but paint. I didn’t know how to paint, and had only a thick, crusty old brush and a partially dried up children’s watercolour palette. I was aware that watercolours needed a special paper, but all I had were regular 75 GSM A4 sheets. Even so, it was the type of urge you can’t ignore. So I decided to make what I could with what I had.
While painting nature-based patterns and simple designs, I learnt how to process in a language that wasn’t so verbose. I began to reside less staunchly in my mind and feel more connected with my body. Painting was a space where I had no vested interest, nothing to prove, no ego attached. I stood before it a beginner, curious as to what I could make and in turn, what it could make me.
Ever since then, I’ve dabbled with watercolours and sketching, using them as tools to distract, distill, recenter, and transport. But at the start of this year, I had another calling – I knew I had to learn to paint a scene in watercolours confidently and competently.
And so that’s what I’ve been focusing most of my creative energies on in 2023. I am tremendously inspired by the work of the South Korean artist Park Joohyun and my loose goal is to have a handle on the basic techniques she uses to paint her scenes by the end of the year.
The paintings in the picture above are from a series I’ve been working on around my happy spaces. While they are entirely disconnected scenes from different timelines, cities, and countries, I like to imagine a picture book of a woman existing between them. A walk around the lake, a home she found love in, 100 letters of hope, a drink by the seaside, her best friend’s dining room – all desert-coloured spaces of being, secluded enclaves of healing.
You can follow my painting adventures on Instagram, where I share updates from time to time.
Free resources I’ve learnt tons from:
(Isn’t the internet amazing?!)
2. I’m figuring out what being brave means
Early in September, pumped up by a friend’s motivation, I decided to commit to doing something brave every day for the month.
My goal was not ‘to live a year/month of saying yes’ as the tech-bros would have it. I am far too introverted, self-aware, and risk-averse to do things without a good enough reason. This decision came from realizing that I’d let go of several external commitments in the recent past. I needed to ensure that during my wintering season, when I’d be out in the world less, I’d still have a path to stay connected to it.
The acts that ensued ranged from allowing myself to take on projects I had been nervous about, to petting cats (an animal I am horrified of!) and sleeping next to them, to openly and calmly communicating my non-religious beliefs to my very religious family on several occasions, to attending my second therapy session with a new doc, to reaching out to friends I have not met in years, to encouraging myself to take my own advice more (I tend to feel as though I outgrow the validity of my hard-earned learnings the moment I share them. Of course, I do not!).
There were other acts too, ones that require more context than this space allows me, but each brave in their own way.
At the end of the month I sit with a knowing that bravery can feel like so many things.
It can feel calm and grounding. Some acts are brave because there was a time we would have feared them, but we no longer do. There was a courageous choice, or several, that got us here, to a place of embodied bravery.
It can feel just about enough. Some acts are doing the bare minimum to check a task off a list, to feel less guilty at the day’s end. Turns out, they still count because every decision adds to the story of who we are becoming.
It can feel utterly nerve-wracking. Often, we stand before life not knowing what the best decision will be. At times like these, the very act of choosing itself is brave. It means we choose to be active participants of our lives, that we trust our future selves to handle whatever comes their way, that we accept our limitations and won’t beat ourselves up for our imperfections, that despite feeling fear, we choose hope.
I believe that most of us are brave every day in our lives. But it’s nice to take notes, it gives us a bit more reason to thrash about enthusiastically in the wild waters of life.
Maybe someday, I’ll even stop losing my shit when I see/hear a lizard closeby. Who knows!
3. I’m hosting a letter writing event!
Speaking of art and bravery, a wonderful thing happened earlier this month. My friend Shravanthi, who is an expressive arts therapist, reached out to me with an idea of holding a safe space for creative emotional expression in honour of suicide prevention month. At the cusp of art, emotional expression, mental health, and suicide prevention support, the idea was an instant full-body yes for me!
So tomorrow, I'm thrilled to be co-facilitating an intimate letters and art circle with Shravanthi’s Svaha Space Therapy. To register, sign up here.
At the circle, we will guide you through exercises of reflective letter writing and group art making to sit with anything that's been weighing on you. We have envisioned this as a space of deep silence, where you can safely tap into yourself in the loving embrace of a community. There won't be any sharing of your letters, and we will have multiple trained mental health professionals who speak different languages to support you, should you need it.
📅 Date & time: 1st October, Sunday @ 10 a.m.
📍 Venue: Little Angels Modern High School, Bangalore
Note: The event will also be happening in Bombay, Hyderabad, and Kathmandu. Find more details at the same link.
If you are in Bangalore, I’d be so happy to see you there! And if you make it to any of the other locations, I can’t wait to hear about your experience.
That’s been September, and then some.
Until next time!
💌
All my love,
Soumya
Jam 🎵
Thank you for reading! 💞
If you enjoyed this newsletter, here’s how you can support me:
1. Like and leave a comment on this post on Substack.
2. Forward it to your friends or share it on your social media.
3. Write back to me, I love reading and replying to your emails!
I love this idea of doing something brave! And I wish I was in Bangalore for that event, I'm sure it will be amazing 💖