My friend Reema often talks about betting on ourselves. āI have to bet on myself,ā she tells me, and I understand exactly what that looks like in her life.Ā
Reem has spent years building financial security and figuring out what sheās gifted at, before she eventually began her own business. When I look at her, I see a woman who has clearly bet on herself and her abilities to create a beautiful life.
Yet when it comes to me, those words used to dissipate in meaning. What did it really mean, betting on the self?
Thereās an inspiring quality to the phrase, an implication of grand decisions. The word ābetā also carries a connotation of a gamble, a hint at risk. So for the longest time, I imagined that it was about taking big leaps into the unknown. After all, what is more grand and risky than the open-ended magnitude of what we cannot see?Ā
Iāve taken many decisions from this internal position. Iāve started and dropped projects. Iāve left spaces that confused me, let go of people who felt like theyād consume me. Iāve put my mind and my body at risk more times than Iād like to admit.Ā
In hindsight, some of those decisions panned out well. Many did not. What I am certain of is that I didnāt have a clue what betting on myself meant through any of it.Ā
At some point, I began to focus on the āselfā part of the phrase a lot. I imagined that perhaps, I had to turn away from the wants and needs of others, put on blinders that only allowed me to see my own desires.Ā
But this has led to more stuckness and smallness than anything else. If it was a bet, I could see that it was not a good one.
Of course, at this point it would probably have been wise to let go of the phrase all together. But if I am failing at something, Iām the sort of person who at least needs to know why. I am not one to shake it off.
So recently, I sat down with the phrase once more, breaking it apart, turning the words around in my head, examining them over and over again.
When I thought back to my friend, I realized that sheās never just plunged unprepared into an abyss. Betting on herself has not been about baseless, blind optimism or perpetually taking giant leaps. It was not about simply choosing what she desired whenever she felt like it.Ā
It didnāt mean picking herself over someone else or their opinion as much as it meant knowing where her growth lay and heading in that direction.
It didnāt mean being worth the risk of failing as much as it meant an awareness of her hard-earned skills, an easily winning hand.
It didnāt mean throwing wads of unwarranted confidence at lifeās gambling table. It meant investing in herself until she was ready to show up at that table as the best bet she could be.Ā
Sure, sometimes betting on ourselves means trusting our intuition and ignoring the naysayers. But Iāve been realizing that the challenge lies less in the betting moment and more in what happens before.
Itās the humility we feel when we realize how much we lack, and the urge to learn, build, and grow which follows. Itās the biting clarity when we understand we cannot go the distance alone, and the grace when we invite the right people in. Itās the million conscious everyday decisions that mesh together in our minds, forming a sprawling, crucial before to our ever-afters.
So if you, like me, are on a journey leading up to your bets, I wish you the patience and perspective I keep wishing myself. Our time at the table is coming, letās make sure weāre ready when it does.Ā
š
Love,
Soumya
Celebrating š
Reemaās company, Yours Bossy, the muse to this whole email!
Yours Bossy is a boutique social media and content studio that provides social-first strategies for businesses, artists, brands, and creators.
They recently made a Barbie-inspried reel for Womenās Day which caught America Ferreraās attention! Check them out, leave a message if you're looking to make that investment in yourself right now.
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Jam š¶
I donāt remember the last time I fell in love with an entire album as much as I love Jacob Collierās Djesse Vol. 4. There are 100,000 voices on it, his famous audience choirs harmonize every single track. There are collaborations with Anoushka Shankar and Chris Martin and John Legend and Shawn Mendes.
Attending one of Jacobās shows in November was 90% of the reason I survived the past few months. He is pure intentional magic (and I take great pleasure in the fact that we share a birthday!). But yes, Djesse Vol. 4 ā listen now if you havenāt already!
Thank you for reading! š
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I loved this, Soumya ā and I resonate so much with both your experience (which is how Iāve spent most of my life) and your friendās (which is how Iām working to show up now). I think there is so much beauty in both: in the willingness to dive headfirst into life and viscerally experience the winning and losing bets firsthand, *and* in the caring for yourself and steadily building the skills and foundation needed to really go all in on what matters to you. You reflected all of that so well here ā and in such a touching tribute to your friend! ā¤ļø
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