This is the fourth version of this email that I’m writing.Â
My previous drafts were around alternative Thanksgiving ideas and something something about love. But it's been impossible to conjure clarity about anything else from the haze of this year-end overwhelm.
Life has been this way since early October. At the time, a friend and I discussed a plan – we would narrow our focus for the months ahead, conserve our energy for the most crucial tasks, finalize larger plans in advance, and align ourselves to eschew any year-end guilt.Â
We understood that these were the structural foundations we had to ideally lay for a peaceful end of the year. But this itself takes much time and energy, particularly honing that razor-sharp clarity you need to build such a structure.
I have not had that.
Work has been storming into all corners of my days and travel plans have shapeshifted over and over again. Rejections and dejections lay scattered all around, gnarling at my refusal to hold them closer, they do not understand why they aren’t as urgent as mom’s medical checkups or my clients getting their copy on time. And then there’s all the to-do list guilt that I haven’t had a chance to sit with courtesy decision fatigue, burnout, exhaustion – all variations of the same problem.Â
Without sufficient empty space in our time, there’s no way to move gracefully out of this state.
So I’ve decided to carry on accepting the year-end overwhelm as my travel companion. I am not invested in separating this from my days anymore. Clarity is a gift that this season does not have in store for me – so much, I accept.Â
With it, I lay to ground all my dreams of the Year End That Could Have Been. You know the one, lazy mornings with the cold winter sun, long evenings to make the most of this stupidly cozy sweater weather, that right balance of rest and stimulation, abundant love to share in perfect ways with perfectly selected recipients, stellar boundaries, effortless emotional processing, gratitude lists, self-appreciation rituals, and birthing soft dreams for the seasons to come.Â
But laying down this big hope of getting it right has led to a different sort of mindfulness. Or perhaps, it’s actually helped me approach where I’m at more mindfully.Â
I’m no longer putting off living to live right. If you relate to this whole scenario, here are a few things I’ve been doing that’s helping:
I let pleasure and joy creep in between the day. In fact, I invite it with mid-day reading time and social breaks to ‘disrupt the narrative in my mind’ (this last one was a technique my therapist suggested, simple but very effective!). Overall, this helps me feel less exhausted at the end of long days. Plus, connection, inspiration, and joy feel the same whether you slot it into a monthly plan or not – whoda thunk!
I realized that I actually don’t have to do all the work that everyone asks me to. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my work and take my commitments seriously. But constantly trying to prove ourselves is a losing game, especially when we don’t have a lot to give. Our health matters, our lives matter, and allowing these tenets to form natural boundaries has done wonders for me.
I remind myself that December is just another month, there were ones before, there will be ones after. I know that the world does not make this perspective easy to hold. If we aren’t being aggressively sold holiday gifting, we’re being tricked into some shrewdly packaged concept of wintering. But the holidays happen, winter happens, and some years, the best we can do is to be present and just let it all happen through us.
On that note, thank you for being here as I let this time happen through me. How has the holiday season been for you? Talk to me (and each other) in the comments, or write back.Â
If you don’t hear from me in December, know that I’m dancing along this chaotic cadence of life. But I’ll meet you next year. Same place, some time.Â
💌
All my love,
Soumya
No reflection prompts because no homework, okay? 😘
Art(ists) I’ve loved 💕
Ogd by Anushka Ravishankar - Anushka Ravishankar’s work is one of the main reasons I fell in love with nonsense prose and poetry (you may have caught a whiff of the style in my zine Nothing More Nothing Less). I finally read Ogd, her hilarious book about the journey of a foot-in-the-mouth Messiah, and I cannot recommend it more.
Note: Nonsense may not be for everyone, but if you’d like to give it a go, enter expecting an Alice in Wonderland-esque world. Go in for the riotous ride and don’t try hard to, as the kids say, make it make sense!
✨
Mari Andrew’s newsletter - Every creative person has someone they wish they were. One of my constant aspirations over the years has been Mari Andrews. Her ways of seeing the world, capturing its whimsy and softness, and pairing it with helpful real-world advice is unparalleled.
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How to use your diary as art inspiration & How to make an ancestral altar at home - Malaka Gharib’s art + cultural commentary is a whole cannon of its own! These are two of my favourite mini comics she recently shared.
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The definition of love by Andrea Gibson - I know this has been a lot of gushing and I shouldn’t have saved Andrea Gibson for the end but here we are and we are so, so in love and there’s really no other way to talk about Andrea so please allow me? Andrea’s work is brilliant, funny, intuitive as heck, and filled with a universe of love. Their other work I adore: This video for the giggles & this life-altering perspective on shame.
A draft you didn’t get 🌌
Thank you for reading! 💞
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"I'm no longer putting off living to live right" -- I resonated so much with this, especially since I've been in a similar boat. There's always something urgent/important to do (and it's been like this for months) and yet, I definitely do not want to put off living anymore. Beautiful and thoughtful newsletter as always. Love the tips and can't wait to apply them in my daily life!
Even if December isn't all that you hoped for, I wish it still brings you moments of joy and softness. Sending you lots of love! :)